Interviewing People

Things I've noticed over the years:

--The more affluent the person, the less likely they are to give you an on camera interview, but the more likely they are to bore you with their ideas and theories about whatever it is you're covering.

--People aged 5-25, and 60-90 almost always want to be on TV. In between, it's a toss up.

--The interior of the average person's home is freaky. As in cluttermania. There are more hoarders than you realize.

--The more self important someone thinks they are, the more cautious they will be when you request an interview. To the point where you drive 45 minutes out of your way to talk to them about their experience on a flight when someone stripped naked, punched a woman, and had to be arrested after an emergency landing. And then you get to their home and they come outside and say, "I'm renegging on my offer to do the interview. I have a family and two kids and what if someone from Oakland sees this?" First, how annoying you would use the word "renege," you self important moron. And second, what the F do you mean by "what if someone from Oakland sees this?" Are you saying that because the suspect was black and he might have black friends in Oakland that are going to CARE enought about your pansy ass to find you? When your full name and city you live in has already been in the paper? Biatch please!

--People will see you approach with a microphone, and a photographer with a giant TV camera on his shoulder, wait for you to explain the whole story, nodding their heads and making all sorts of comments, and then when you're ready to get their reaction, they say, "Oh, you want me to talk on camera? No way!" Why can't they just say, "no thanks" from the get go?!

--They love to say how much shorter/taller/prettier/younger/older/fatter/skinnier/bigger/smaller you look in person. And usually they mean it as a compliment. Unless they're Asian. Then they just mean what they say, period.

--You could have the craziest teeth, be missing one eyebrow, or have 7 hairs growing out of a mole on your chin, if I'm in a giant hurry to make deadline, and you say yes and give me some sort of soundbite I can use for my story, I don't even notice what you look like. Until I review the tape. Then I'm like, "What? How did I not notice my key interview has meth mouth?" And the photog's like, "Oh my God. What crack were you smoking? How could you NOT notice that?"

--"Experts" who think they are THE shiznat, are often overly technical and offer sentences that are so long you know your audience will forget what they started talking about and then you have to work extra hard to re-ask your question 4 more times without sounding like a dolt. Because these types of "experts" already think journalists are idiots.

--Politicians who want you to cover every ribbon cutting and pancake social, then get pissed off when you call them for comment on something in their district. One pol actually answered her phone, then began talking about herself in the third person. As in, "Ms. X is not here." I was like, "Do you know when she'll be in?" And she goes, "No. And don't call Ms. X at her home number." Then I said, "Umm, is THIS Ms. X?" And she said, "Yes, and I don't want to be called at home." OH KAY. Well then don't give us your home number for our station rolodex. And don't freaking PRETEND you're not you when we call. WEIRDO.