Bitch Ass People
06.8.2010 You know who I'm talking about. They're the people who don't let you in when you've been patiently signaling to merge. Then they honk when you inch in anyway. Toot toot. SUCK IT.
They're the people who don't think for themselves because they are so used to being told what to do all day. Like the guy at the gym who refused to let this lady and her senior mother go in for a workout. Apparently she could only bring her 'guest' between the hours of 9am-7pm and it was 830pm. And no managers were there to approve it. So he made her take her senior mother home instead of just making an exception and letting the two of them onto an elliptical for 30 minutes. Way to go, man. You really showed them.
Or the lady at the front desk of a place I had to go for an interview. This place is covered in signs from the second you walk in, prohibiting this and banning that. Signs to point you to the nearest emergency exit and eyewash station and wastebasket and safety tips and local ordinance 9.79090. The decor is signage diarrhea with a splash of cubicle.
Anyway, she took great delight in yelling at me repeatedly, "Just one. Just ONE. JUST ONE!" And rolling her eyes when I followed my photog into her line. Is it too much to ask a person to use a complete sentence like, "Please wait in line. I can only process one thought at a time."
What is with the barking out words and huffing and puffing? Or, my favorite, when people go, "Ma'am!" to get your attention and then point to a sign telling you to do, or not to do, something. Bitch. Ass.
But here's how I know I'm not innately a Bitch Ass. I was pulling out of a driveway and turned the wrong way on a one lane road. So I proceeded to carefully execute a 5 point turn. I'm on my 3rd point when this lady suddenly pops out in front of my car yelling but I can't hear her because my windows are up. But I see her angry scowly face and I can tell she's not complimenting my Prius.
So I roll down the window and she's yelling, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
And I'm all, "I'm sorry, I'm just trying to leave."
And she's shaking her head and all flustery and waving her hands and huffing and I go, "It's OK, I have a back up camera."
I'm now on my 5th point and about to drive out, but she has to get the last word in with her hand on her hip, "That was a BAD IDEA!"
My smart comeback? Wait for it. "Thanks for all your help."
It was sarcastic obvi, but I was so mad at myself for not telling her off. Like Bitch Ass, you're gonna come running out to yell at me as I'm trying to carefully get out of your neighborhood? You're worried about your car, I get it. But why not offer to direct me or do something productive? No. Instead you chose to be a Bitch Ass.
I kept going over the things I should have said. Like, "Really? Really. You're coming out to yell at me? How is that helpful?" Or "Smoking is really not helping your skin." Or "Are you done? Is that everything? Thank you so much for coming out. That was totally awesome of you." Or "You know what? You're acting like a Bitch Ass."
Instead I was all, "Don't worry. I have a back up camera." WTF?!
First rule of Bitch Ass. You are allowed to be a Bitch Ass in the face of Bitch Asses. I need to work on my inner Bitch Ass so she's ready for next time.
Reader Comments (3)
Oh I HATE when those perfect retorts don't come until way later. There was this one time when I was pregnant when some lady in Cost Plus was really rude because I was walking slowly down an aisle (don't think she could tell I was pregnant). When she said something rude to me and brushed past all I could say was "Oh I'm sorry!" WHAT? I still kick myself for not telling her off, showing my belly and making her feel bad haha!
You're simply too nice, it runs in your blood.
Vir: Rest assured you're definitely not a B.A.
Sarah: You and I both know I have my moments. Sorry for the numerous times you cringed while reading this.