Pregnant and Not Barefoot
08.16.2011 
Don't let that half smile fool you. I am no happy camper. The Good Doctor will testify to that in a court of law. Hand on a Bible, "Yes, Your Honor, she is a turdball right now. But I said I would love her for richer or poorer, in good times and bad, turdballs notwithstanding." OK fine, he wouldn't use the word "notwithstanding."
Pregnancy is for the birds. And they're smart enough to lay eggs. Translation: being prego blows. BPB.
Before the Internet jumps down my throat about the miracle of life and how lucky I am and do I know there are people spending thousands of dollars on fertility treatments and how dare I say pregnancy blows, let me say YES to all of the above. I am very grateful and fortunate and appreciative that the powers of life have granted my hostile womb another chance to grow a human. We've been through a shitload of sucky times lot, and we know how blessed we are to be on the path toward a second babychild.
That does not mean I was built to endure or enjoy pregnancy in any way shape or form. Just a glimpse at my maternity photos from the last pregnancy will tell you, a belly of this size on my person is all kinds of crazy.
But if you want someone to make you feel like a supermodel 3 weeks before you send your husband to the store to buy hemorrhoid cream and Tuck's pads because 7 pounds of person just tore her way out of your vajazzle, then my friend Sarah Williams is the one to call.
I still can't believe I'm headed for round 2 of this. See that ring I'm wearing? It's a fashion ring I normally wear on my right middle finger. It was the only one that would fit on my wedding finger. I gained 42 pounds. That's 42% of my body weight. Do the math and add 42% of your body weight to your belly, sprinkle in 3 months of extreme nausea, a pinch of severe night time heartburn, months of tossing and turning in your sleep, and cap it off with a cantaloupe sliding out of your nether parts. Don't even get me started on breastfeeding.
I am so excited. #not
P.S. Dear friends and family who are reading this news, thank you in advance for your kind wishes and positive thoughts and still being your loving selves as I transform into Crazy Pregnant Biznatch over the next several months. Things will get better once the alien invasion is complete on or about February 9th.
Bloggity, Parenting, Pregnancy, Vicky Photos
Reader Comments (14)
Congratulations! Can't wait to read blogs about the new baby. Beautiful pics.
Congrats!!!! So excited for you. I had an awful awful pregnancy as well and I felt like I could have written your breastfeeding posts... but here's to round 2 and Emmy's little sibling!
I am so excited! Sorry about the yucky stuff. I am seriously hoping this pregnancy goes smoother.
oxoxoxo
so, what I can offer is that my wife absolutely, positively, undeniably hated being pregnant and any of her friends who are now glowing pregnancy piss her off (because they must be lying according to her or they're so goddamn sappy that it annoys her to no end). My wife was told to expect gaining 30-35 pounds and she gained 55 pounds during pregnancy (thank gawd it was all water and she went rail thin while breast feeding).
Hostile womb - classic. :D
congrats too.
Chuc Mung GD & Vicky! Does that mean more posts for your loyal readers while on maternity leave? :-)
Take solace in the fact that your gender is the stronger of the two. As a man, I will never experience childbirth personally however I have been told to compare it to passing a watermelon through your nostril. Congratulations to you and the Good Doctor! I am looking forward to your future blog posts.
Congrats Hopefully the pregnancy will be smoother this time!
Congrats, again! You're carrying "The Good Doctor's" baby so you're entitled to be a turdball. And 42 pounds. Puh-leeze! Talk to me when you past 60, like I did.
Hi Vicky - I have not been following you for a couple of months and today I thought of you and wanted to see how you are doing. :) Congratulations on round 2!!!! despite what you said in your blog--the picture up top of you and round 2... i think you are smiling =) - hope you will get over the bad feelings soon and enjoy the duration of your pregnancy. <3
YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean.... that SUCKS! :)
I was waiting for another one to come along. I knew you had it in you Vic.
It's going to be a cutie!
Thanks for the love everyone. One good thing about pregnancy: it provides tons of blob material.
=) You can do it!
Those maternity pants look awesome. I want a pair.
So happy for you, the good doctor and Emmy. It's totally ok to not be the perky pregnant person, you are still a grrrr-eat mom.