Baby Botox

In keeping with my previous baby plastic surgery themed post, I present to you Dessy's best Angelina Jolie pout. This was before we did the bottom lip.

I kid. She happened to get this crazy swollen lip the night before a scheduled doctor visit. By morning she was back to her adorable self but I showed the pediatrician this photo and she thinks it was an allergic reaction, possibly to a new bottle we tried last night. My cursory search on Tommee Tippee nipples found that they are made from a silicone material but I'm not sure if there's any latex mixed in. The doc says that may have been the culprit.

Either way, that $9 bottle is out of the rotation.

Crazeballs. 

NoseFrida

Picked this up at Whole Foods after a neighbor and preschool mom told me it is a must when you have a second child and the first child enters school. Because that first child becomes Patient Zero and is suddenly the vector for every horrible germy disease possible.

Sure enough, Emmy started preschool and by 7 weeks, Dessy started sounding like a snuffleupagas. Stuffy and snotty. A newborn should not have to work that hard to breathe, my poor little sleepurrito. (Combo word: sleep + burrito.)

So the trick is to put saline drops in her nostrils, tilt her back for 3 minutes, then suck the bejesus out of her nose. Apparently there are battery operated snot suckers, but nothing compares to the sweet sweet power of a determined mother's mouth. Keep your dirty jokes to yourself.

There are few things in life as satisfying as manually removing mucus from your child's nose so that she can breathe better. Again, stop it.

Bonus: somehow this thing is engineered so that the snot never gets anywhere near your mouth. It doesn't even get close to the blue sponge filter thing. So even the orally squeamish parent The Good Doctor has given it a go. Trust me, there's nothing like seeing a green blob of boogery goodness in the tip of this device, and the knowledge that you vacuumed it out yourself.

Getting it in Emmy's nose is a whole 'nother challenge. If you have suggestions on how to convince a 3 year old that the NoseFrida is her friend, please share. Bribes, logic, reasoning, begging, guilting, surprising, coaxing, commanding, and all my forms of strategery have been ineffective so far. 

Super Kawaii Mittens

Too bad I can't get Emmy to put her hands in them. She took one look at these and ran the other way. Bought them from Nest Maternity in San Francisco during our story on the Belly Armor blankets. I didn't protect her from radiation in the womb but I'll be damned if her fingers get frostbitten. 

Bamboo Plate

Again with the UncleOwly. Saw this lovely handcrafted Japanese bamboo plate and had to have it for Emmy. Ordered it from the lovely people at We Are 1976 who iPhoned over pics of all the FunFam plateware so I could choose. Natural, durable, and made of untreated material. Because everything else seems to cause baby cancers and other toxic horrors.

A good mother would feed Emmy out of her palm like a little bird but it's too hard to play Scramble2 on the iPad with just one hand. Damn it, Rachelle. New addiction and of course I'm getting schooled by The Good Doctor. High score: 97! Again with the weel! And weels! And 8 pointers like "rattlers."

Emmy eats off this plate daily now. Occasionally so does Romeo, despite his many ass whuppins. That dog is a rule breaker fo' sho'. His new hobby: follow Emmy's bagel clutching fist... wait for it... SNATCH! It's payback for all the times she slams Dolly's face into his body when he's sleeping. The sibling rivalry has begun.