Things My Husband Secretly Loves
1. Women who speak with accents, especially Latina accents a la Sofia Vergara in Modern Family. I mean, who doesn't love her assets accent.
3. Our chihuahua.
4. French fries. He's always like, "Nah, just get the small, I don't even like fries." And then guess who has to go back and order some more fries when they've disappeared from my fast food tray. Yeah, me. Or "I" if you want to be all grammatical and shit.
5. Being surprised.
6. Stirring when he gets his cheeks, yes, those cheeks, squeezed every night when I crawl in bed.
7. Getting made fun of by his wife.
8. Busting a move.
10. Repeating his 'to do' list out loud. Repeatedly.
11. Looking good in his "outfits." Which I buy and/or consult upon.
12. Playing with Emmy like she's a modern day Cabbage Patch Kid. Did they even have Asian Cabbage Patches? Wait. That came out wrong.
13. Being an honorary Vietnamese person. And identifying Vietnamese words so he can piece together when we are talking about him. Yes, we do that all the time, white boy.
14. Figuring out how to do everything the 'correct' way. Like folding clothes. Or choosing the most efficient driving routes based on wind speed, traffic flow, and metering lights. Or eating chicken wings. I swear that video revolutionized his life.
15. When people think he's a jock with average intelligence. Well, they used to think that. Back when he had time to play sports. Sadly, giving baby baths and stroller walking no longer qualify as jock activities.
16. Watching his wife watch sports. It's like spotting a humpback whale and her calf. You don't see it except at certain special times of the year in certain special locations. And it's oh so magical!
17. Lukewarm hot cocoa. With mini marshmallows.
18. Gardening and taking care of small things like Brookstone Biosphere Shrimp.
19. Watching America's Next Top Model and pretending he's Miss J. Alexander.
20. Being the man of the house.