Things That Are Overrated
1. Privacy. In this era, if someone wants to know something about you, they'll find it. Whether you're on Facebook or not.
2. Firsts. Specifically, baby's first ___________. Hot damn, if she did it once, she'll do it again. And hopefully I'll see it the next go 'round. Because even if I did stay at home and mother all day, I would probably miss a bunch of stuff the first time around anyway. I can only carry an HD video camera around for so long before I have to eat a sandwich. And THAT'S when she decides to do her FIRST triple back flip.
3. Kim Kardashian's ass. Fine, I'm just jealous. It IS worth all the hoopla. Asian booties ain't got nothing on Armenian booties.
4. Getting back together, especially more than once. Do-overs don't work in sports, live TV, or love. When time runs out, game over. When you miss your slot, game over. And when you fuck around, yeah, you got it, GAME OVER. OK, unclenching sphincter now.
5. Racial stereotypes. Let's just cool it and the gang. If I can laugh at the people who used to email my station in Reno and say they couldn't understand my Chinese accent, you can laugh at Jersey Shore's depiction of guidos. Don't let the sterrorists win.
6. Hatred of small dogs. Yeah yeah, make fun of how they shiver and how prissy and small they are and how they're not a Real Man's Best Friend. But when you scoop up poops the size of Cheetos Puffs, and your chihuahua hangs out in the stroller basket under the baby, and you can give your mini pups a bath in 5 minutes...it's hard not to love the microdog. Plus, how could you hate on this:
They are tiny but mighty, and they love you just as much as a big dog.
7. Meetings and Input. You already know how you feel and what to do 95% of the time. Yay for Warren Buffet and his policy of hiring the right people, and not bogging them down with endless meetings. For input.
8. Road trips. Really? You would rather drive 9 hours than just fly for two? I mean, who doesn't love a good pat down.
9. Douchery and drama. Nothing wrong with being happy and fulfilled. No need for all the angst and furrowed eyebrows and pouty face. Although I can pull a great angsty, knitted brow, pouty lip when necessary.