Things You Only Do as a Reporter

Wait in the drizzly darkness for 3 hours hoping a feral cat will walk into a tuna-filled trap. And pray you get it on camera.

Converse with toothless people about the race for governor. A conversation that usually goes on about 4 minutes longer than necessary when what you really wanted to do is use the bathroom.

Stand in the freezing cold waiting for someone who is "authorized" to answer basic questions about the explosion/drowning/fire/crash/flood/shooting/ stabbing/kidnapping/power outage.

Nod your head yes to producer fantasy scenarios.

Consult someone about photos of a shark bite survivor's ass and back taken right after the attack. Apparently the images are definitely too graphic for TV if you can see the person's yellow lipid layer and the rest of the photo looks like it could be a picture of the butcher counter at Safeway.

Get called "The f—-ing media" from Any Street Corner USA.

Lug your photog's tripod for a mile and half down the streets of Richmond at night, following a group of do-gooders.

Use the word do-gooders.

Understand sarcasm is a dish best served always.

Interrupt people constantly.

Get excited when someone offers your first big break in the biz: $28,000 to drive yourself around and shoot, write, and edit two packages a day. Starting at 3AM with Tuesdays and Wednesdays off. Yay!