Christmas 2010 Outtakes

As promised, here's the back story of our holiday card photo shoot.

We waited until the last minute, natch. So we had to deal with patchy rain and lots of wind and the accompanying anxiety of not knowing if you'll have to cancel your entire shoot and send out your holiday card in February. Add in a toddler who's running out of Cheez-Its and a husband who's like, "Well, that trampoline better be big enough for the both of us," in reference to himself and his apple bottom.

We found a 25 minute window to make it work. Next year we're doing holiday photos in July.

See what a good wife and sherpa I make? While Emmy and Dada are warm in the dry car, I'm lugging gear up the hill for slave driver Uncle Kiet.

I'll get to my glamour shots in a second but true credit for the success of our photo goes to The Good Doctor's thighs. I didn't do them justice in the stills.

Imagine squatting down with a 25 pound sack of rice--total deadweight--then heaving it up in the air as high as you can, squatting back down so that someone can take a clean photo of that rice sack, and then standing back up to catch the sack before it falls onto the craggy uneven surface you're standing on. Nobody likes a Christmas concussion. Then make sure your rice sack is smiling and facing the light so Uncle Kiet can get a good photo. 

This was a contender for the card. The pigtails are faboosh:


This is the one we used:


Repeat the deadweight toss-a-thon 20 times and then start jumping on a 3 foot wide trampoline designed for people half your weight. And try to get major air after every bounce on your jellified legs that haven't recovered from 20 clean and jerks with the rice sack. And jump really really high even though every time your feet hit the trampoline, they also hit the ground because that trampoline wasn't designed to support your apple bottom and your boots with the fur.

And this is what you get. I mean, nothing says "Merry Christmas" like the double point:

Or the Michael Jordan tongue and karate/gun hands:

But who am I to criticize? I only had to jump and enjoy myself.

I tried to see if I could give the rice sack a good toss. Not so much. If only The Good Doctor had a thought bubble. It would say: You are so dumb. For real. The rice sack made it about an inch out of my hands. 

Which explains why I had fresh legs for jumpin.' No muscle weakness or convulsive spasms here. I have to say, the low angle does me justice. And doing this with trampoline momentum is SA-weet! I really didn't know I still had the splits in me. I swear this shot is not edited. Thems is really my crazy legs: 

Too bad I can't always make my abs look this good and walk around with my arms fully stretched above my head. Because nothing says "Happy New Year" like a belly button:

So Merry Karate/Gun and Happy Belly Button!

Admit it. Some of you actually thought we did this for reals by jumping and tossing Emmy all in one giant shebang.

We love you for thinking that. And not calling CPS.

Virginia--Santa is real! His Vietnamese name is Kiet.