Alternately this weekend I felt like I have the best life possible, and my life sucks. Which is totally ridiculous and I don't feel that way often but I think sometimes pushing my darling baby out of my lady flower imbalanced my chemicals just slightly. Or maybe it's just the interrupted sleep talking. Either way, it's a feeling that comes along once every now and then, mostly when we have been slaves to a sucky schedule of boringness, doing the mundane things parents do on a task-filled weekend.
Feed Emmy her breakfast. Cook our breakfast. Clean up our breakfast. Walk Emmy and the dogs. Wait for Emmy to poop. Change Emmy out of her pajamas. Play with Emmy. Put Emmy down for a nap. Make lunch. Clean up lunch. Feed Emmy lunch. Pick up bulk Similac at Costco. Buy various frozen Indian foods at Trader Joe's. Put Emmy down for her second nap. Feel like taking a nap. Do laundry instead. Clean up toys. Vacuum. Walk Emmy and dogs again. Get dinner ready. Feed Emmy dinner. Distract her while we eat dinner. Bathe Emmy. Play with Emmy before last bottle of the night. Feed Emmy fourth meal. Not Taco Bell. Put Emmy down for the night. It's 7:30. We're exhausted too. Watch some Olympics. Make Emmy's birthday invitation on laptop. Go to bed at 10.
Devil Vicky: Did that make you want to slash a wrist? Don't have a baby.
Angel Vicky: You better Lysacek yourself before you wreck yourself. There are many, many fun times to be had and great weekends and moments and memories that make all the sacrifices worthwhile.
Devil Vicky: My life is annoying. I have no time to myself. Everything I do, I do it for you. You being Emmy.
Angel Vicky: She is perfect and healthy and such a good baby. You won the Baby Lotto with this one. Quit kvetching.
Devil Vicky: You're a kvetch.
Angel Vicky: Grow up.
I swear our life isn't always that regimented and boring. But sometimes it totally is. Add to that the normal stressors of working extra long hours in a volatile industry where every week another story comes out about "streamlining" and sometimes you start to question what you're doing and what's next and is it all worth it.
"The TV business is a cruel and shallow money pit with long plastic hallways, where pimps and thieves run free, and good men die like dogs. There is also a negative side." Hunter S. Thompson hit it right on the money.
Not to focus on the negative, because there are ridiculous amounts of madly awesomeriffic things to be Oprah grateful journaling about. But I do find myself in those troughs every now and and then. Which makes me appreciate the peaks that much more.