iPad. Much more than a Feminine Product.

Steve, you're right. It IS magical and revolutionary. Magilutionary.

When the iPad first premiered, I watched Scott Budman's coverage. I read his tweets. I cornered him in the hallway when he got back from Applepalooza and asked him how it felt and what it looked like and could it make fondue?

I wasn't in love with the idea of another gadget that I would have to pay a monthly fee to use. Plus I am not an early adopter. I like my things 2.0. Like my Prius. I can not, however, blame sudden acceleration for any of my driving problems. It's genetic. Asian driveritis.

I didn't give the iPad another thought. Except for when my dad mentioned this MADtv skit.

And then suddenly, I realized the iPad could totally work in my house, through our wifi thingy, without a monthly subscription. And I drop kicked my iTouch. It hit Tofu but she's OK now.

I have a laptop, yes. What? No, Good Doctor, there is nothing wrong with it. But it's not super portable. As in, while I'm "watching" Emmy, I can't just carry it in the other hand or slide it onto the playmat and browse my Internets. Which I have to do everyday to scan headlines and expand my 'inch deep, mile wide' knowledge base. I'm a TV reporter, not a NASA engineer.

And yes, there is the iTouch, but dude, that's for mussssic. Not for a pleasurable browsing experience! Pinching and swishing and pinching and swishing. Not how I want to spend my day now that I'm no longer in my 20's.

Plus, I don't want my laptop, which is my workhorse for video editing and photos, to be my email checking machine and get turned on and off a zillion times. Which is what I do, without guilt, to my iPad. Because you press the button and slide to unlock and PRESTO. Internets in the palm of my hand. But not the size of my palm.

Plus, BOOKS! I've already read the first 48 pages of two samples. "The Surrendered." Cried! "The Bone Thief." Ended right when they found out the corpse had no arms! And "Angelology." Only a few pages in so far. I may actually buy one eventually but I'm just gonna go Costco on iBooks for now and sample everything until I'm full. I love to read and I love the idea of having a book or 10 in my iPad for trips to Tahoe or in my next life when I have time to lie in a hammock and read for 3 hours.

Plus, super fast. Plays music. Photos. Email. I watched Dancing With the Stars while eating bun cha gio. Does it get any better? The Good Doctor's like, "Great. Of all people, YOU with the mealtime distractions."

At least I'm not reading and leaving magazines open, Good Doctor! And you get to see Pamela Anderson's egg rolls doing the cha cha. A Nguyen Nguyen.

Plus, Asian Grandma thinks she invented the iPad. Or at least had the idea and Steve Jobs finally got around to it. She was all, "This is what I said when you had that mouse thing! Why can't you just touch it? So much easier." Then I said, "Put it down, lady. Get back to cooking and watching my kid." But to watch her actually use it, and know how to do stuff, when she is as non computer savvy as they come, totally sold me. Say it with me, MAJ A LOO SHUN ARY!

Plus, my one year old doesn't care about it. No keyboard to mash her Saltine crackers into. BORING.

Thank you Duke for winning the tournament. Mama needed this iPad. Our deal: The Good Doctor's winnings (it was just a couple bucks, Mr. IRS) would go toward my device. I was bleeding blue. Cameron crazy. A hobbit who loved the Scheyer.

I love my iPad 1.0 and I'm proud to be an early adopter like Phil in this episode of Modern Family. One of the best shows on TV. And every man's excuse to ogle Sofia Vergara.