Rules and Regulations*

1. Close doors. To everything. Cabinets. Drawers. Closets. Heavy Chinesey armoires. Pantries. Dryers.

2. Do not look at the baby when she is drinking milk. No whispering or shadowy movements either. She sees and hears all. And God help you if she spits out the nipple because you've distracted her.

3. Limit time on the iPad to 20 minutes per day. Just enough time to start having fun. Then stop usage.

4. Plan everything. Feedings, baby pooportunities, and classes at Gymboree. Do not deviate from plan without permission or Hell will be paid.

5. Consult The Book on all childcare matters. What you think is "common sense" is a last resort.

6. Your way is likely to be incorrect. Unless it is the same as my way.

7. Respond to my initial command within 1 second. A slower reaction time will result in raised voices.

8. Analyze everything and create mental back up plans for unexpected scenarios.

9. Practice makes perfect.

10. Do not stray from the rules and regulations or End of The World is imminent.

Thank God The Good Doctor doesn't have time for PowerPoint. Otherwise my life would look like this diagram.

*Established for the greater good by The Good Doctor. Reluctantly obeyed by his wife.