The King

You would think if you were 6 feet, 5.5 inches tall, that you would jump up and click your heels together with joy if your 5'2" wife said, "Babe, we really need a king sized bed. And even though I'm Asian and the Eastern King better fits my Far East ancestry and I want a hecka wide bed so I can roll over 5 times before I hit the other edge, I think we should get a California King instead. The extra four inches of length instead of width means, for the first time in your life, other than the 3 times you've slept in a really nice hotel room, your feet will not hang off the bottom of the bed that you're sleeping in." Which reminds me of that one time, when we got a super sweet deal for a room in the brand new Wynn hotel, that King bed. Let's just say we've never met a King bed we didn't fully enjoy. Fully. Sorry In-Laws. Just scroll down. You're really here for the cute pictures of Emmy.

Anyway, you would think that would be music to your ears, if you were 6 feet, 5.5 inches tall, hearing your wife say it's really time to invest in a new, mega-sized mattress set.

It was not.

What The Good Doctor heard was: "We're getting a bed that won't fit into our room the way our current bed PERFECTLY fits into our room." He also heard the "Waugh waugh waugh" sounds that grown ups make on the Charlie Brown cartoon specials. 

That's because, JUST LIKE THE iPAD, he was convinced we don't "need" a King bed. He wants to wait until we have a bigger house, with a bigger room, with a door that won't become a fire hazard because of a mega bed partially blocking it. 

But I say, JUST LIKE THE iPAD, a King bed will be magilutionary. 

Who cares if we have to turn sideways and scootch around the bed to get to the bathroom and closet? Walking in your bedroom is totally over-rated. You go into your room to sleep in a glorious bed with glorious space and glorious room for your Abraham Lincoln length legs. The less floor surface area, the less that needs to be vacuumed. Am I right or am I right?

We had this same exact argument more than a year ago when we first moved into our rental home. Back then, I relented. Marriage softens you. It was my good faith effort. 

But due to current circumstances, what with certain people's core temperatures rising like an inconvenient truth, and other issues surround Asian Grandma's saggy bed, the time has arrived to invest in an appropriately sized bed.

One night, after a particularly difficult time falling asleep, because certain people were sleeping diagonally and had their molten hot Gumby legs wrapped around mine, searing my shins, I woke up knowing the time had come. The week of back and forth discussion was over. He won the battle last year, but Operation King Bed would finish with the W in my column. Put me on an aircraft carrier and hang the Mission Accomplished sign. You can't deny a King bed when you're the one who will benefit the most from a proper sleeping position. Logic and Vietnamesey wife = too much for one man to overcome.

The bed arrives today. I have the new Cal King sheets, washed and softened and ready.

I'm just gonna put this prediction out there. JUST LIKE THE iPAD, The Good Doctor will be all over this like white on rice. He'll wonder how he ever lived without it. I can see him now, lounging on the King, immersed in his Letters with Friends, chewy Chips Ahoy crumbs on his chin. WHO LOVES YOU, MISTER?!

So what if we have to dive into our bed from the doorway? It will be worth the running start.

Here's the father daughter team dismantling our bed frame. Emmy farted right before I took the photo, hence The Good Doctor's expression.

Emmy's adorable jeggings. I saw that word in a Macys ad this week. I think it's a combo word for jeans and leggings, but maybe it was just a typo. No matter, it's already part of my lexicon. These are the cutest jeggings from White Grandma. So harajuku with her skull and crossbones shirt. Too bad she's the total opposite of tough. 

While she was busy with my flip flops, The Good Doctor was resigned to his fate. Make way for The King!

C'mon, with legs like those? There's really no argument here folks.