Crabs

The height of crab season creates an Asian immigrant frenzy at every Ranch 99 within a quarter mile of an Asian immigrant. 

Works for me. Asian Grandparents cooked up this delicious dish of ginger and scallion crab sauteed in the yummy salty rich stuff you find in the body of the crab. I call it "crab guts," but the gourmet terminology is "the butter" according to the vast knowledge accumulated by Asian Grandpa from watching the Food Network. I've never heard that term but now sprinkle it generously and inappropriately in conversation.

Anyway, they made a separate white boy teriyaki version for The Good Doctor just in case he wasn't fond of "the butter." (Insert inappropriate remark about my butter here.)

So we sit down to dinner and I tell him: "The teriyaki one is specially for you. But help yourself to the ginger one too. It has plenty of "butter."

Time passes. We eat. We drink. We discuss politics and literature and the time space continuum. Emmy makes a few off color remarks. Typical family dinner. 

I keep scooping more rice onto my plate because rice + crab + "the butter" sauce = belly full of butter yum yum and (insert inappropriate butter comment.) 

I swear I've been mentioning how much I love the rice and "butter," what a delicious combination it is, and hey Good Doctor, don't forget the rice, you might want to try it with some butter, just take a taste.

But 10 minutes later, somehow all three adults simultaneously notice The Good Doctor, patiently spearing pieces of teriyaki crab. Hunched over his bowl. No rice. Just crab. And teriyaki sauce.

All together we exclaim, "Why don't you have any rice?!???"

And he's like, "What?"

We repeat in unison, "Rice! Where's your rice?" 

And he's like, "No one gave me any."

And we roll our eyes. Only you can barely tell because we're Asian.

He continues, "You put this plate in front of me and said, 'Here's your teriyaki crab. Eat.' I thought this was just for me and you were eating "the butter." 

I take over. "Babe. Didn't you hear me talking about the rice and the butter and how good it is together and how you have to try the rice and the butter and the rice rice rice. And don't we always eat rice at every meal with Asian Grandpa? Dude. Why are you just eating crab when everyone around you is eating RICE and crab?"

"And since when does anyone have to tell you to eat rice?"

Have we come to this? Three and a half years into our marriage, 17 and a half years together, and now I'm charge of when you eat rice? Like I'm the official Rice Commander? Actually, I like that. So does my butter. 

Now Asian Grandpa loves the family meals. He can't wait to sit down and tell The Good Doctor, "Hey! Don't forget to eat the rice! Hhahahahahaha." He thinks it's HILARE. The Good Doctor thinks it's SO ANNOY.

Vicky NguyenBloggity, Food