IT Guys

And gals. Although usually it's guys.

I just have to give some props to the ones I've worked with. People give them such a hard time because something is always frozen or down or URGENT!!! And they always seem to be stuffed in a dank, dark office somewhere with yards of cables and random USB cords and dusty boxes and crusty computers and broken motherboards and gadget jizzum piled around them.

And then people like me constantly email them with questions like, "Hey Mike, The thingy on my screen is not connecting me to my Outlook so now I have to like log on all weird through the www connection to get my emails. And oh yeah, my password for the editing system is not letting me in. I get some error message with a bunch of consonants and vowels and it's a real downer. Please help. Toodles!"

I'm sure he'd love to strangle me if he could ever detach himself from the coaxial vines in his man/computer cave but right after he deletes my email there's like 80 more that are just as annoying.

Yet he manages to respond promptly with pre-written instructions about how to solve my issues. I know it's bad when I get the pre-written email, because it's obvious I'm not the first helpless idiot who's experienced the exact same crisis.

Or I return to my desk and all the crap I've been saving to my desktop because I'm too lazy to put it in the proper place on the S drive back slash forward slash colon semicolon bracket slash hyphen has all been neatly organized into a folder. Suddenly updates are updated. And the 9,000 pop up windows with error messages are all gone. Magic!

I know I'm an IT nightmare because I like the quick fix. And I'm a "do it myself-er" until everything's all blue screen of death and I have to use someone else's computer to send out my S.O.S.

When the window opens that says, "This site does not have a certificate of security. Your computer may self destruct or become a portal for deadly corporate viruses that are the equivalent to full blown computer AIDS. Are you SURE you want to proceed?" I always click "Sure, I ain't scurred. Open that biatch up!" 

I'm Shawn Kemping all over your network. Computer condoms ain't comfortable. And I sure as hell ain't abstaining! Computer transmitted diseases be damned.

So here's a toast to the IT folks. May you find the proper antiviral cocktail that protects you from the Vickys of your company.