Breastfeeding Dessy: Part 1

The scariest part of having a second baby, after fears of congenital deformities, disorders, and diseases, was handing over my boobs on a silver platter to be demolished by the relentless suckling of a newborn. I remember what it was like breastfeeding Emmy, those first few weeks of the most excruciating, ongoing pain ever inflicted on the most innocent and harmless parts of my body. Breastageddon would not be an understatement. The end was coming and I was ill-prepared.

"Nipple regeneration" continues to be one of the search terms that lead to my blog consistently. Apparently a lot of people have lost theirs and are Googling ways to get them back. Sorry about that. does not have the answer to your query. Just more nightmare scenarios involving your nipples falling off.

I have many friends who've told me that it does not get better the second, or even third time around. That it hurts EVERY SINGLE TIME with EVERY SINGLE OFFSPRING. So I braced myself for the inevitable: pain worse than labor, coinciding with sleepless nights, a torn up va-jay-jay and 'roid rage.

BUT, and I mean BUT!!! it hasn't been that bad AT ALL. Days 2-4 you are supposed to start the ritual: breastfeed every 2 hours, on both sides. Now I don't know if you've ever tried doing anything every 2 hours on both sides, but let me confirm to you, it's not fun, covered in lame sauce. And the 2 hours is counted from the time your baby STARTS feeding, to when she's supposed to start feeding again. So it's really not 2 hours. It's more like 1, especially if you have a slow eater who likes to fall asleep between meals.

But, and again, I can't emphasize the BUT enough, after the initial chapping and rawness that comes with this much vigorous attention to your nipples, the pain reached its pinnacle and is now quite manageable. There's the initial pinch when the baby first latches on, but none of the constant fiery shards of glass shooting out of your cracked nipples feeling. 

IT IS THE BIGGEST SURPRISE OF 2012. Talk about Linsanity. This is Niprageous! That sounds racist. But it's not. It's Niptastic! It's Nipmania! It's Nipnomenal! 

Breastfeeding that doesn't hurt this early in the game? Nip-Nip-Hooray! #come on, you know that last one was good.