Things I Should Know on My Due Date

1. How much water actually comes out when my water breaks. Are we talking 2 thimbles or 2 pitchers of membranous fluid?

2. What I'm going to name my baby. 

3. What I would name my baby given Murphy's law and she comes out a he.

4. If I've paid for my cord blood kit.

5. What's in my cord blood kit.

6. Whether my point and shoot camera, SLR camera, and HD camcorder are actually charged.

7. Where those chargers are.

8. Where my pudendum is. In case I want a nerve block instead of an epidural.

9. Which entrance to use at the hospital.

10. What to expect when I'm expecting. My husband decided he didn't want to buy me the #1 selling book for expectant parents, in favor of another, lesser heard of book. More of a "what to sort of know when you think you might be, you know, having a baby." He never hears the end of it because anytime I do something wrong, I blame the generic book he bought me before we had Emmy. Me: "How was I supposed to know? I didn't read "What to Expect When You're Expecting. I'm grasping for straws in the dark here!"

11. How to take care of a newborn again.

12. Where my breast pump is.

13. What my birth plan is. I mean, I know I don't want to be induced, but I really want to have my kid this weekend. 2-10-12, 2-11-12, or 2-12-12 are all great, easy to remember birthdays. Maybe it's time for a visit to House of Pizza in San Jose. Apparently a slice of their pizza is like a shot of Pitocin.

14. Who's on my email list for the announcement.

15. Why my husband is on call on my due date. 


Ticking Time Bomb