Romeo Must Die

Is not the name of a movie in my household. It is a mantra. The min pin is a stark raving barking lunatic. If I'm upstairs with Dessy and Emmy "going to San Francisco" in Emmy's room via pillow bus driven by Mr. Moosey, he is downstairs barking his fool head off at every leaf and tumbleweed that crosses into view. Which happens about every 25 seconds. 

Then I have to run downstairs, shoo him out of the living room, and tell him to SHUT THE HELL UP OR I WILL SHUT HIM UP. By the time my foot touches the top step, he is on the couch again, barking like I did not just threaten his life and/or kick him in the stomach.

It was annoying before, but now with two kids, two stories, and too many gray hairs, I need Romeo like I need a tumor on my left testicle. And since we already cut his off, the next logical step is to invest in a shock collar. OK PETA, stop. I returned it. It worked well enough but we would need to buy two more for Tofu and Coco, and because their scrawny chihuahua necks are ringed with such thick fur, we'd have to shave them and strap on these giant collars and turn them on and off and it just seemed like too much hassle for too little benefit. Now I'm regretting that decision. I want to strap on a full body shock suit with electrodes attached to his miniature skull so that the second his pea sized brain even so much as flickers the first thought of a bark, the suit freezes him and locks his jaws shut. Has someone pitched that yet on Shark Tank? Let me be the first investor.

The dog is a nutjob and it's contagious. As The Good Doctor put it, on a scale of 1 to 100 for enjoyment, where 100 means they are our best friends and loving and entertaining and worth every collective piece of dook that we've picked up over the past 9 years, and 1 means they are sucking the life out of living, he gives them an 8 out of 100. He does not enjoy these dook makers. 

I think that's a little dramatic. They all have their moments of redemption. Mostly when they are curled up and cute and sleeping in the sun. Silently. I give Tofu an 81, Coco a 56, and Romeo a 43. OK, 47.

With that said, we bought a "Sonic Egg." When they bark it's supposed to send out soundwaves that only they can hear. We asked if it has a "Make their ears bleed" mode. It does not. Which is probably a good thing, because with the way things work in my house, Romeo would bark through the bleeding. Meaning that in addition to giving him twice daily insulin shots, brushing his teeth, applying cortisone spray, and putting ointment in his dry eyes, I would have to clean blood spatters off the living room floor too.

We will see if this was $40 well spent. If not, and you see a diabetic min pin wandering around the South Bay, he answers to Romeo. Or cheese.