Sometimes I get the awesomest story pitches. Like this one with the subject line "Perfecting Your Privates."
That's one creative PR person!
S/he wrote, "Sure, you can tighten up wrinkles on your face, ditch your wonder bra for a set of implants and even trim and suction unwanted fat on your abdomen and thighs to achieve what you may perceive to be “perfection” – but how about plastic surgery to “spruce up” your private parts?? Yes, there are now procedures to improve the look of your unmentionables and more women are opting for such touch ups."
As the wife of a medical professional, I can attest to the absolute truth in this. Vaginal rejuvenation is real, y'all!
It's a pity I don't still work at Fox in Phoenix. I think I might've had a fighting chance of getting this on the air there. It was, after all, where I did a story about Neuticles, which are testicular implants for pets. AKA fake balls for your dog. Man, I need to find that story. Romeo even had a cameo in it. He does not have neuticles. Or testicles for that matter.
Back to vaginal rejuvenation. I will not take credit for the creative imaginary news teases that follow. Names of sources have been omitted to protect the guilty innocent.
Again, not my words. But still brilliant. Sometimes I love this job.
“Coming up, REJUVING YOUR VAJ, putting a little yippee in your yahoooooo!”
“Hot dog in a hallway no longer…the easy new way to resuscitate your hoooohah!”
“You’ve heard of fast and loose…how but just plain fast tezzight. A new craze people are JUMPING into.”
“Does your husband think he’s driving his Prius through the Caldecott tunnel….we’ve got just the thing for you.”
“Remember what it’s like to be a Virgin….Me neither but this surgery might help.”
“Wrinkles on your hands, neck and face….what about your wrinkly ass taco. Well show you how to turn your soft shell into a hard shell…we’re making a run for the border…next.”