Bossy, demanding, outspoken, assertive, direct, puts my foot in my mouth, loud, insensitive, brash, critical, opinionated. Those less than flattering adjectives I can handle. I can accept. I can agree. 

But diva? Ninja say what?

Urban Dictionary says a diva is "a bitchy woman that must have her way exactly, or no way at all. often rude and belittles people, believes that everyone is beneath her and thinks that she is so much more loved than what she really is. selfish, spoiled, and overly dramatic."

That's generally how I would describe a diva too. The b-word, rude, self absorbed, a belittler who has to make others small so she can be big, and misinformed about her radness in the eyes of others.

Thusly, it is not a word with positive connotations. Right?

I go out of my way to be considerate, I am well-intentioned most of the time, and I don't think I ask more of others than I do of myself. I have a strong work ethic, I have opinions, I argue my point. I usually say what I mean and mean what I say.

Why that gotta be labeled as diva? (Oh I know, because it's a male-derived term and there's no word for the male equivalent because men came up with that word to put women in their place. Credit to Niddy for that observation.)

It started with all these commercials and faces on billboards for the Investigative Unit. I think when your head literally gets blown up to 10 times its normal size, people start to think you believe your own hype. But I was so proud of myself for overcoming all the stereotypes I think people have when they first meet me. I thought I was root tootin' along, doing my work, being nice but not weak, and then BAM. 

Someone up and called me a diva. Someone I didn't know super well, but well enough that I thought I'd cleared the whole preconceived "this chick thinks she's all that because she's a TV reporter and most TV reporter chicks think they're all that."

It rocked me to my core. OK, that's diva dramatic but it totally pushed a button. Like seriously, after all the work I put into NOT being a diva, this fool just called me a diva?! I get so peeved when people assign a descriptor to me that I wouldn't assign to myself. 

And then comes someone I'll call "Alex." When I asked "Alex" if I was a diva, "Alex" said, "I don't know if I would say you're a diva."

I was nodding like, "Yeah, that's what I'm saying! Right, right."

Then "Alex" followed up with: "But I know I definitely can't say you're not a diva."

I got a mental #tko and could barely close my mouth by the time we walked into Chipotle. "Alex" tried to help me recover by asking something along the lines of "Think of all the women you would consider divas. Are they not successful in some way? Are they not good at what they do?"

Regardless, I've been doing a lot of introspective re-self assessment.

Is this the real me? Am I a diva in denial? Have I been living a lie? Am I not in touch with my true self? Is there a positive aspect to divahood? Do I need to re-define diva so that I don't suffer a cardiac arrest when I hear it assigned to me. 

The second definition from Urban Dictionary is: 

"A fierce, often temperamental singer who comes correct. She is not a trick ass hoe, and she does not sweat da haters."

Replace "singer" with "woman" and I can accept that. Maybe.

My favorite line from this video @2:39 "[I] take it to another level/no passengers on my plane."

Tell me, are you a diva? And do you consider it a compliment or an insult?

PS Maybe there's still time to register for this conference.