Things People Say To Which I Have No Good Response

My reporter training, and my years as a thinking sentient being, have provided me with the ability to politely address these statements but I do wince each and every time.

1. "You don't look Vietnamese! At all. You look mixed/Filipino/Thai/Just Not Vietnamese." Who says that? And yes, I DO look totally Vietnamesey. Goodness.

2. "Did you have work done? On your nose? It's so straight. How about your eyes? No?" This is just weird. Like it's a lose-lose when I say no because either they don't believe me or they don't believe me.

3. "You're looking skinnier*." 

4. "You're looking fatter*."

5. "Congratulations!" I am weirdly embarrassed by praise and also seem to never know exactly what it's for. Not because I'm awesome at things but because I underwent years of Tiger parenting wherein my parents never said they were proud of me until I was in my late 20's and by then I was so hardened the compliments bounced off me like arrows off a woolly mammoth made of iron.

5. "You're a MOTHER? You have KIDS?" Um. Yes? Do I seem THAT unfit? Or do I not talk about my kids enough? How is it not obvious I am totally a woman with children that I bore and fed from my own person? My own person would tell you there were traumas suffered that will NEVER be forgotten. But it is truly worth it for the trade off of having two highly entertaining little humans to shake my head at every single day.

6. "You look much better in person." I know this is usually meant as a compliment but it's funny if you think about it.

7. "You look beautiful on TV." Ditto above.

8. "Is your husband white?" I feel I have to go into the whole backstory every time, i.e. we're high school sweethearts and we grew up in a super white area and he's done many things to earn his Asian card including eating durian, bitter melon, chicken hearts, etc etc.

9. "What does your husband do?" Again with the whole backstory and how I didn't marry him just because he's a doctor but because he has great dance moves and is an extremely patient human being who somehow managed to handle all this jelly for 20--OMG did I just write TWENTY--years since were 16 whole years old.

10. "So you're the newscaster." Which implies that you weirdly somehow knew there was a "newscaster" in your midst and you've been wondering who it was and AHA you've figured it out.

*Gotta love Asian relatives. No pound left behind.